In truth, I don’t know how to start this post. And I don’t quite know how to write this post since everything seems to be jumbled up quite badly.
I shall try my best to make some coherence from it.
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I smudged the room and created my boundaries with a cedar and white sage smudge (I think I much prefer pure white sage), thanked Father Sky and Mother Earth for coming in to take care of me, smudged myself, and sat down with my drumming music. My intention today was to speak with Blue, my soul fragment who is a large part of my pain.
She was at first cocky and all that. But I simply spoke with her very honestly, saying that I’m sorry I never took care of her, and I can’t remember what else. But I did tell her that I’d appreciate if she would come back to me for integration, so that I can try my best to take care of her and acknowledge her, and hopefully she’s able to take care of me as well.
After some time, her fake cockiness vanished, and she nodded and got up to walk towards me. As she did, the countenance of her face was somehow taken over by a demon’s visage. Now, I’m not terribly scared of demons, because not all of them are bad (one of my soulbonds is a demon in human visage and he has told me and showed me about it, but I still love him as my brother). But this one didn’t feel good, so I used conscious intent to rip it from Blue and send it back to its orginator, whom, for some not so strange reason, was the Hellspawn.
I asked Kiesh’ra to take care of it, and to please send the Hellspawn on its way, that I’d give him something valuable as thanks once I’m done with my stuff. The latter wasn’t happy about it (not hostile at all, but not happy), but I created my boundaries more firmly and asked Father Sky and Mother Earth to help me with my boundaries, and to take care of me, their child. I turned my attention back to Blue, and still saw a fuzzy demonic visage on her face. She told me sternly that I needed to focus, so I intent-ed that I’d have clear vision to see things in their true forms, and that demonic visage vanished, leaving a much younger Blue/me. It was as if pain had aged her by a lot, and by acknowledging her and in a sense taking away her pain, she became more innocent, younger.
She stepped into me, and I consciously integrated her. I felt Kiesh’ra’s hands all over me, helping me firm and pat down the energy tendrils I was giving out, helping me with the integration. Once that was done, I smiled at him and got up to hug him as a thank you. I’m pretty short, even as a spiritual form, and the top of my head come only to his stomach area. I pressed my left cheek against his stomach, and was horrified to feel my cheek getting “engulfed” by that area. I thought great, another demon or thing I don’t want around me, and pulled back only to realize that it was a wound – a sword slash starting from his left rib and ending near his navel.
I glanced up at him and then realized he’d gotten into a swordfight with the Hellspawn and just went oh shit, and batted his hand away and told him I’m going to heal him so he better let me. So I placed both my palms over the wound, consciously intent healing, and sent lights representing various sorts of healing into the wound – pink for gentle knitting of the wound; red for vitality; a light blue for the equivalent of moisture/water his body needed.
After a few minutes, the wound closed up with only a faint scar (okay, my healing ability seems to have activated somewhat, though it’s strange my first act should be in the spiritual realm where I have little to no experience at all), and I hugged him properly this time. I felt my cheek against warm, solid flesh, but also felt fuzzy energy brushing against mine. It was cute.
I told Kiesh’ra I had to settle stuff with the Hellspawn now – it was standing right outside my boundaries. Some sort of small shack appeared – seems to be mine – and though I actually thought of giving some of my energy as thanks to the Hellspawn, Kiesh’ra stopped me, and led me to this small cabinet in the shack. He opened it and inside were some rice cakes. I don’t know why something seemingly-simple is important, but the rice cakes felt very vital. He passed them to me and I took them to my boundaries and stood before the Hellspawn, telling him thank you for his help, but I think I didn’t need his help any longer. I passed the rice cakes to him, but he still stood there.
I walked away again, and suddenly found myself in the armor both he and the Hellspawn had gifted me. Sensing that its use was no longer needed, I started stripping myself of it respectfully, calling forth my energy and Kiesh’ra’s energy to recall them. I handed Kiesh’ra back his golden sash, and asked him to take care of it for me until he wanted to give it to me again and when I was ready. I recalled the golden energy outlining the face opening of my helm, and making sure not one trace of any others’ energies clung to them, returned them to my protector. Then, as I took off each piece of my armor, I recalled my energy and placed them into a small wooden bowl. Each item I took off, the brahminy kite gripped and returned to the Hellspawn. I think Kiesh’ra somehow took care of the black sword the Hellspawn had given me too – I don’t remember what I did with it.
I made sure the kite’s own energies were clear.
I was naked, but in the spiritual world, you come with yourself and you go with yourself. There’s nothing to be ashamed about nakedness of. I might acquire things along the way, but in the end, I am still me, and naked.
Then I hugged the kite and she groomed my hair for a bit and gave me a small bite on my neck and told me never to invite these sort of “people” in again, then she glanced up at Kiesh’ra and made bird-talk which I think was her scolding him and saying he should do his job…I wrapped her in protective energies so that she and her brood would be safe.
After that, I knelt on the ground, and held my palms over the mucky energies. I ordered those that weren’t mine to please collate in my palms, and I brought them to the Hellspawn as well, thanking him for any help he’d given me. I told him that these weren’t the kind of muck or darkness I needed; that the darkness I needed was where I can find my own balance and walk the middle path. He seemed unhappy but still not hostile.
I then ordered Kiesh’ra to go to the small bed or something in the shack and to bloody lay down to rest this time or else I’d make him. From the well beside the shack, I drew up a bucket of clear, pure and healing water, and made him drink it and made him lay down. I sat facing away from the shack to do my hypnosis project, but felt a bit dazed and unable to focus. I suddenly felt hands on my temples, and a sudden gentle energy flowing through my mind, and realized it was Kiesh’ra who was helping me. He did that for a bit and went to lay down, and came back to help a bit more when I needed help again.
When I finally finished my hypnosis about 30 minutes later, I glanced back and saw the Kiesh’ra had fallen asleep. I walked over to stand before him, and asked for clear vision again. Somehow, I still alternated between seeing him with a falcon-head, and with a falcon-helm. I let him sleep, and came back to my body.
Forgot to mention I saw another soul fragment hanging around – anger. I said hello and acknowledged her, and will speak with her soon. I hope nothing goes wrong from that.
