Flying above the ‘ego’

After hypnosis this morning, I held the raptor feather and continued on listening to the trance drumming tracks, letting my brainwaves bring me as close to an alpha (or even theta) state as I could. I invited kite into my circle, but suddenly found that I was near the base of a high mountain. Cut into the side of the mountain was a winding road. I had my wings out. But apparently, I wasn’t supposed to fly straight to the peak immediately. I had to follow the road.

It forced me to learn how to balance myself a lot – needing to control the merest tilt of my wings as the circles became a lot smaller.

When I reached the top, it was just enough for my butt to sit on, so I did. Kite rested on my thigh. Kiesh’ra somehow managed to ‘hover’ behind me.

For the first time, K spoke directly to my mind. With words! I was so startled I whirled around and demanded of him, “Did you just speak to me?”

He said yes, and explained that for the past five years, he couldn’t speak with me clearly because my ‘ego’ and whatever else were cluttering my mind. It was only ‘here,’ that I’d risen above my ego.

And it was true. I sensed the seemingly-fragile network which linked all other possible worlds to me, to my present, to me NOW. Kite and Kiesh’ra, knowing what I have been trying to manifest, made me pull those worlds to myself and to eat them, to integrate them into my present.

I didn’t feel anything as I ate them, but after a few minutes, I felt the worlds suddenly ‘dissolve’ and integrate into me. It was warm and fuzzy.

I love Kiesh’ra. He came to me and protected an idiot kid who opened herself asking for protectors and guides and nearly got herself eaten by some giant spider thing (scary shit) about five, six years ago, and has stuck around ever since with little thanks. I sometimes forget to talk to him as I’m immersed in the clutter of physical life, but he is still around, protecting me and the ones I love from a lot of attacks.

Beer soon. And more smudging on the feather. Both he and kite loved it. =)

Impending storm

This morning, while I was wondering how I can connect more with my instincts and learn how to find a balance in trusting my inner voice more, kite came to me, knocked me on the forehead with her beak, and then told me in no uncertain terms, “You’re slow!”

Then I finally remembered – about five, six years ago, I went to the beach near my place. The moment I went onto the jetty, something in the waters caught my eye. It was a raptor feather. In Singapore, it could have been nothing else, not with the color and the sheer length of it. No one else seemed to have seen it; or they didn’t care. I did. I waded into the water and got myself wet, picked it up, and have taken care of it the best way I could ever since.

However, I have never used it or worked with it. I don’t know why it took me so long to actually remember to work with it. But at least I’ve taken it out and smudged it thoroughly now. We’ll see where kite takes me.

—

While I was walking home from work today at about 8pm+, the winds started picking up. I looked up and the night sky was red with an impending storm. It’s nothing uncommon – it is still the wet monsoon season in Singapore, with almost daily storms and all.

However, this is only the second time in my entire life I’ve felt this sort of sheer unease from an impending storm. I call myself a Child of the Storm. The only times where I find that I feel cleansed raw and clean is if I head out into the midst of a thunderstorm and walk in it, getting drenched and shivering and hearing the thunder boom around me. Dangerous, yes. I’ve accepted it. Anyway.

The last time this happened was a few years ago, where I was in bed and a storm rolled in. Instead of feeling excited, I cowered in bed, trembling like crazy and just…cringing. I remember posting about it on LJ as well, and Jillian told me that in the Aboriginal culture, demons or bad spirits can ride on storms.

Tonight was the exact same feeling. I spend twenty minutes burning white sage to cleanse my area (as well as the feather). I have a feeling that Kiesh’ra and kite were both protecting me. I burned the white sage for them both, too.

The feather in its original state.

Futhark runes

I’m not sure why, but whenever I hold the Norse Futhark runes in my hand, I feel a deep, tremendous power from them. It’s an old power, and maybe even a dangerous one. It might be linked to Odin’s energy imprinting on them when he hung from Yggdrasil. I don’t know.